the desert season

One month from today I will celebrate my 37th birthday, and unlike many others approaching the big 4-0, I am welcoming it with gladness.  I’ve never seen growing older as a limitation to my ability to grow better in every area of life!  However, if you would have told me that the past 6 months would be the beginning of a season when I would be wrestling with the biggest questions of purpose and vision for my life, I would have said, “no, way!”  I’ve spent the past 15 years of my life doing everything that I believe God has positioned me to do.  Yet, I find myself in this “desert season”.  I feel like I’m standing all alone on the desert floor with the burning heat pressing down on my mind, body, and spirit.  And this question still sears through my heart and spirit… “Who am I created to be?”  How can I be 15 years into this life direction and still not know the answer to this question?

Last month I was given the opportunity to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment and let me be the first to say, it was so accurate, it scared me!  I’ve never felt so emotionally and mentally dissected with such extreme accuracy.  I learned things about myself that everyone else has probably know for years, but this self-revelation has been liberating.  I don’t have to pretend to be someone else!  I don’t have to be something that I’m not!  I just can be me, because that’s who GOD created me to be!  Apparently I’m a born visionary leader and have the ability to move organizations through major changes.  Who knew?  Obviously not this guy!  Now it makes sense.  The gnawing desire to lead and make decisions that move people, plans, resources, and create a vision that takes us from where we are to where we want to be, isn’t just the mushrooms on the pizza from last night.  I was designed and wired by God to be this way.  It was HIS idea!  

The biggest revelation came when I realized that the one person that I struggle to lead is ME!  That one hurt… bad.  And then it hit me.  Of course I can’t move on to the next thing.  Why would a loving God place me, with all of my leadership gifts and potential, over a group or team of individuals when I still have yet to lead the only person I can really change, ME?  

Maybe you too find yourself at a personal, professional, or spiritual impasse.  Have you ever considered that God has designed you for a very specific skill set?  HE wants you to be ok that you aren’t like your boss, your spouse, or your friends.  You are created exactly the way God wants you to be.  Own it.  Embrace it.  Be it.  And then resist the temptation to be, do, or respond to what everyone else thinks you should become.  Now I’m not an expert in life, nor do I pretend to be a “life coach”.  But, I’m confident that if we will embrace the gifts and abilities that God has deposited in our life then, not only will we be able to answer our personal identity dilemma, but we will find ourselves positioned to help many others on this journey of faith, hope, and love.   

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still in the “desert season”.  Did you know that there are some amazing plants, animals, and insects that actually are designed to live, thrive, and prosper on the desert floor!  There’s beauty in the desert.  There’s even hope in the desert.  All it takes is changing your perspective and allowing God to reveal HIS unique design in and through you.  Remember, the “desert season” is just that… a season.  And the reality is that birth, growth, and even death all take place in every season of the year.  Hang in there, be faithful, and allow the love, power, and presence of almighty God to make this season the greatest personal leadership lesson you’ve ever learned.  There is someone waiting on the other side of your “desert season” obedience.  

Proverbs 3:5-6
(read this passage and let it refresh and strengthen your parched and weary heart)



About moakster

I am a married to the amazing Johanna, father to Micah, Malachi, Maddoux, and Emerson, and I serve as the Lead Pastor at a great church in the Silsbee, TX.
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